What Happens in Vegas

How can I describe Strobie's Las Vegas 40th Birthday Extravaganza?  Fun?  Exhausting?  Tasty?  Hungover?  It was all of the above.  We had a great time.  But I'm keeping the salacious details a secret.  Some things a Mango never tells.  And what "Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas®," right?  Let's talk more generally about my overall impressions.  And about the food, bien sur.

Vegas is definitely a nighttime city.  It's "yo momma say you ugly" ugly during the day.  You definitely need the sun to go down and the neon to turn on to truly enjoy it.  Planet Hollywood was over the top.  The uber-loud music, throngs of people, in-your-face changing lights and chandelier columns, and in-your-nostrils room scent blowing through the air vents in the lobby told me that the weekend was going to full of nothing but trouble.  Shatterproof, the Jayhawk, and I were giggling like schoolgirls at the promise of Chimney Fallin' debauchery.  We giggled even more when we ran into Lady La La and decided to people watch at Cabo Wabo.  Viewing the mess of people from up high on the patio was high entertainment, especially when we noticed that the guy dressed up as Woody from Toy Story was falling asleep while standing up.  A few hours of drinking and eating really bad and expensive corporate Tex-Mex later (being joined by Miladius, birthday boy Strobie, and his friend, Vicky), we napped (we napped a lot during the weekend and realized that regular napping was crucial to surviving the weekend) and got ready for dinner at Central LV.  Which was pretty disappointing, actually, but I think that it was more disappointing that we were so disappointed in it, if that makes sense.  The space was incredible, and our server, Adam, was great, but Michel needs to fly back to Vegas to do some needed quality control, mis bonitos.  The deviled eggs with anchovies were delicious, and the smashed potatoes were creamy and dreamy.  Miladius' fried chicken was quite yummy, and the cheese balls were too good (as expected), but the steak tartare was soooo meh we barely touched it, the fries were cold, Strobie's gnocchi were down right inedible (gray and heavy and sauced with Ragu®), and the surprise Celebration Cakes were too cold to enjoy.  Walking through Caesars Palace in all its lovely Roman gaudiness made up for the blah dining experience, though.  That, and the dancing water in front of the Bellagio.  Undulating streams of water shooting into the air set to "Big Spender?!"  I never knew water could be so dirty!  And half-Rican go-go boy, Carlos Luis, at Krave more than made up for any of the night's previous transgressions.  So much so that I think we finally made it to bed at 4 ayem.  Maybe 5 (?).  I can't be sure.  My body was not in synch with the time the clock told me.

And that was all on Thursday.  Friday we ate at the PH buffet, which was so broke down palace bad that I can't stomach to write about it.  After some window shopping and hours of free beers and Keno at the casino, we napped before heading off to RM Seafood for Strobie's main event birthday dinner.  And that was an even bigger disappointment than dinner at Central.  I don't understand how dinner just for the Jayhawk and me was $330.  Were my 2 Budweisers $20 each?  Was my amuse-bouche of paper-thin cucumber and lox not gratis?  Did we pay extra for the 6 servers we had waiting on our table (who, BTW, had no choice but to wait on us because we were the only table in the entire upper level the last hour we were there)?  I mean, the foie gras "two ways" was delicious, but it wasn't the best thing I've eaten all year, and for the price, it should have been.  My entree halibut was totally upstaged by the 6 mini cauliflower florets that came with it.  The grilled baby octopus were fantastic, but I can get better in Madrid at my friend, Pablo's, dive bar for pennies on the dollar I spent.  And the star of the night was the Jayhawk's...wait for it...gnocchi with braised beef short rib ragu.  The gnocchi were the light and pillowy and melted in your mouth.  The ragu was rich and flavorful and perfectly savory.  But, again, for a meat dish to be the best dish at the table at a seafood restaurant?  Something ain't right.  Like our close-to $1000 group total.  I was so mad!  Thank goodness I ran into Manny Pacquiao at the Mandalay Bay casino.  He's so tiny and bad-ass.  That made me happy.  As did the late-night drinks back at Central and weebling and wobbling back to our hotel room with Shatterproof while the Jayhawk laughed at us as he stayed behind with the nice Welsh couple we met at the bar.  I think that was at 3:30 ayem.  And it would have been earlier had Shatterproof and I not gotten lost for 30 minutes in the PH casino.  I smile about it now.

Saturday was a day of breakfast (breakfast pizza [way too salty], coffee [mmm...Sanka], orange juice [Tang]) at the PBR Grill, and napping and vegging on the bed watching hours and hours of VH1.  That night we did the buffet (feh) and the Carnivale show (I loved it, it was so bad) at the Rio and a quick drink at the gorgeous (gorgeous!) Cosmopolitan before calling it a night and a weekend.

All in all, Vegas was fine.  I'm glad the Jayhawk and I went with such good friends and for such a big occassion.  But I don't think I'll be going back.  It's way too spendy for such mediocrity.  Unless it's to see Curtis Luis shakin' his money maker on the podium, again.  Now that I'd go back for.